**Disclaimer…I don’t know where this is going to end up.  I just kind of feel as though I should update.**

I wish I had some exciting news to report like “Yay!  Jim has a job” but I don’t really.  He’s sent out what seems like a lot of resumes.  There is one job he is particularly interested in, but I don’t even want to get my hopes up too high by talking about it.  Financially at the moment, we are OK.  Severance pay is very helpful.  I suppose that’s one reason to get with a company and stay there for a while.

Folks at church have been sort of cautiously asking Jim how he’s doing. It seems going public with a depression diagnosis makes people want to walk softly around you.  Jim answers honestly, “I’m doing OK….looking for a job…etc.”  It’s good to know that people care.  I have been very thankful for the concern for us that has been expressed by our family and “real life” friends as well as some of those we have made online.  It helps to know that we don’t walk alone.

I ran out to AC Moore (Moonlight Madness, baby,  25% off your entire purchase!!) this evening to get some final supplies for our Christmas crafty presents.  The kids came with me and Ana had to stop to tie each shoe, twice.  She’s very particular about her feet and her shoes.  This morning, I advised her to wear tights because it was forecast to be a damp, cold day and I didn’t think socks with her dress were sufficient to keep her warm.  When she returned from dressing Ana had the tights on, with socks on top of them saying,  “My shoes feel better with socks on.”   She has inherited my skinny feet and doesn’t like the way her feet slip around in shoes.  Ana also has to have the seam of her sock in a particular place over her toes.  David and I can wear our socks inside out and backwards and we don’t give a hoot.  

Anyway, on the way back from AC Moore, I realized I had come to peace with the idea of going back to work should the need arise.  I don’t want to do it, but if it comes down to it, I will.  I wasn’t at peace with this at all 2 weeks ago, even in the midst of figuring out the certification process.  I’m getting things in order and moving forward.  It seems that’s just the way things work with me.  If I just start moving in a particular direction, even if I don’t like the destination, I get used to the idea and adjust.

The kids did their St. Nicholas play at church today.  Ana was one of the poor daughters who St. Nicholas saved from slavery (I think actually it was prostitution).  She was absolutely not happy about the idea of getting married, even for pretend and whined and complained about it all week.  Luckily, she played her part without whining.

David was a sailor.  David is also a ham and loves to perform and make people laugh.  His rendition of a frightened sailor was not exactly convincing, but at least the audience laughed.  

The rain is beating a pretty constant drum beat on the aluminum awnings outside. We really need this rain, although I’m sure my children would have preferred that this wet precipitation had come down in the form of snow.

“Mommy, when will it snow?”

“I’m sure it will, some day.”

Some day, the memory of these topsy turvy months will be just that…a memory.  I was talking with a friend today about struggling.  We both agreed that you grow the most during the struggling times.   The hard ground needs rain to soften it up for new growth…and I suppose I have grown hard and taken too much for granted.  I’m sure I need this struggle,  however much I may not like it.

So, here I am…where are you?