Mind Your P-s and Q-s

I was thinking a bit about manners the other day as I was straightening my daughter’s bed spread.  Sometimes, I think the whole concept of being courteous is dying out. I know I’ve done a rather piecemeal job of teaching my kids manners.

The other day, I heard my children addressing each other as “yo” as in, “Yo, I’m trying to listen here.”  I explained,   “It just  isn’t polite to address each other as ‘yo.’”  Ana and David accepted this explanation at face value.

The whole issue of how to address our fellow humans has, I think, become a bit complicated.  Back when I was a kid, there was a certain order about the rules of address.  I called all of the adults in my life, “Mr./Mrs./Miss Last name.”  Nowadays, it’s, “Mr./Mrs./Miss First name.”  We’ve had several instances of our kids leaving out the “Mr./Mrs./Miss and calling adults by their first names. The “Mr./Mrs./Miss Last Name” delineation is much clearer.

When I first moved to Baltimore and wasn’t acquainted with someone (meaning basically, we hadn’t been introduced) I addressed him or her as “Mr./Mrs./Miss Last name.”  It felt forward to me to call someone I’d never met by their first name.  It still does.  I got a lot of funny looks and even some “don’t call me by my last name” requests.  

“Ma’am” and “sir” are titles I use whe I don’t know someone’s name.  I always get strange looks for the “ma’am.”  Here in Baltimore “Miss” seems to be the generic term.  I don’t like just “Miss.”  It sounds unfinished to me without a last name attached.

Rules of address are only one aspect of the whole “manners” issue and I think there’s a bigger picture.  Manners are only a symptom of how we’ve somehow lost our ability to consider our fellow humans.  One aspect of this lack of consideration is the whole notion of feelings and the value we place on them.  Very often, we want others to consider our feelings and make allowance for them.  But how often are we willing to consider someone else’s feelings?  We’ve vaulted ourselves into first place in every interaction.  Sometimes, this is just results in our being impolite.  Other times, it can be disastrous.

I have more thinking to do on this subject, especially in regards to my own children and how to teach them manners and respect for their fellow humans…how not to put themselves in the first position all the time.  This concept seems to fly in the face of American thought today when we’re taught to “go for the gold.”  I think maybe it’s better sometimes to truly think about others first, beyond the platitude level, of course.